Been trying all week to think of something to write about, but I just don’t have anything I feel that strongly about. I was going to maybe start re-writing Jim from my current 50yr old perspective, but … well that just does not sound fun. Plus, who wants to read that, yet again? I’ll get to it, someday, but not today. Also, I’ve been helping Hollis with her writing.
No, I’m not editing or doing any of the writing, just a sounding board. And, it’s hard. Hard to not want her to put things out there people may react to negatively, things that may hurt her. But at the same time I can’t be the one to tell her to shut up. I’m always on this weird high wire, fall down this side and you’re over protecting her, and stifling her. Denial and pretending something never happened can be more harmful than.. well it’s just taking a cut and trying to seal it with rock salt. But at the same time, we do have rules to follow. We live in a world of people with not all the best intentions and we need to be aware, eyes open. Fall off the other side and you invite drama and chaos. I also try to be cognizant on where she is at, and do my best to keep her creative expression feeling empowering.
I know from my own up and downs during the writing of the various versions of Jim, reliving the past can be draining. She wants and needs to write, and writes well. I want and need to write, but haven’t found anything to say. It’s weird. When I’m not trying to write, I can think of stories and ideas to share. When I actually sit down at a keyboard, poof. I type stuff like this, writing about not writing.
Oh well, I’m hoping writing is like karate. No one starts out kicking to the head. We all walk out onto the dojo floor with our gi on wrong, and our belt tied half-assed. But, day after day, or night after night we keep bowing onto the floor. We keep trying again. Once I was allowed to spar, I loved it from the first. I got hit A LOT. I got swept onto the floor on my butt A LOT, but learned so much from every session. No matter how bad I was, I wanted to try again and try and try. So here I am in my jumbled gi and mis-tied belt. It’s not as fun yet, but I’m pretty sure my gi pants are still on backwards.
Thank you for letting me join another round.
No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
~ Alice Walker