As an escape I watch sappy RomComs and TV shows about teens. They always show love as this passionate, tingly, shiney thing. Love is warm and fuzzy, with only one fight that’s easily cleared up in 90min or less. Real love is not always about passion. Sometimes real love is messy and painful and hard. Love isn’t just about saying your sorry and forgiveness. 
Flowers and chocolate can only heal very little, the very tiniest fissures in the human heart. You’ve got to look at yourself and say, and admit the things you don’t like. Then you need to work every day to try and be a better person. No you have to really look, and be honest. Love is scary and you can’t let “I’m sorry” be an excuse. It has to come with action. And if you don’t know what to do, keep trying, keep doing something. Something not for yourself, even taking out the trash says more than just saying “I’m sorry.”
Love isn’t perfect. You will make mistakes. You will hurt the person you love, and they will hurt you. But you work together, to learn, to grow so you won’t do it again. And if you do, you do everything you can to understand and really work on solutions, not just putting on a temporary bandage on it, with a squirt of Bactine. Accept that you are not perfect, and don’t expect them to be perfect either. It’s more than patience, it’s building trust.
Love isn’t an expensive gift, wrapped in pretty paper. It’s cleaning the cat box, every day, twice a day even. Doing the laundry when you see the basket is overflowing, getting someone a warm meal when they don’t feel like eating, a touch before the tears and sometimes, even more important, love is knowing when not to speak. When to stop asking, “What’s wrong?” Stop asking, “What can I do?” Love is knowing that something is wrong and being there, even if you don’t know that to do. Love doesn’t run away when it gets scared, or at least it comes back and says, “Sorry, I was scared. I’m here now.”
Grand guestures are fine, but it’s the daily little things that keep love alive. The constant thinking of someone, that is not you. Taking that walk when you’d rather stay on the couch watching TV. Stopping to fill the tank up on the way home, even when you know it could wait until tomorrow. Picking up your dirty t-shirt, folding the blanket, putting the dishes away, asking, “Can I do something for you?” Grabbing a kinderegg at the checkout and leaving a little surprise next to the milk. Getting up early and bringing home breakfast and coffee. And more importantly, love is staying quiet until they wake up. Getting to the airport early even though you detest airport Starbucks, because you know being there early helps with their anxiety. Offering to drive a sick cat to the vet. Sitting up next to someone when they can’t sleep. Leaving a note or a text when you know you’ll be late. Saying I love you every day, in every way you can think of, while always trying to think of new ways. You’d be surprised how much better you could make someone’s day, if you just make the bed, or put out a new bar of soap when you see the old one getting too small. It may seem stupid, but I feel it’s important to keep reminding them you give a shit. Little gestures say, I’m so happy you are in my life.
Love requires space to breathe. It can’t be controlled. That’s not love. That is obsession, and possession. No one ever said, I can’t wait to fall “in control.” “I wish I was obsessed.” The people you love won’t always do what you want. They won’t always be happy when you’re happy. They may get mad, or depressed. They may need to be quiet for hours or days. Love is understanding, and knowing you may not understand. You don’t always get to know, right now. Love is accepting you can not always fix it, right now. Sometimes you have to sit with the hurt, and just let it hurt. Love is letting someone cry, and understanding if they need to cry alone.
We can always wish that love will fix everything in 90min or less, but that’s not how it works. If you love someone, it’s going to hurt sometimes. It is going to be hard, sometimes, but it will be worth it. And is it really that hard to do the little things. The little things are what say, “I’m here.” I’m here to stay, even when it’s not fun, because you are worth it. You need to say not only I love you, but you are worth it. You are not alone, and it’s going to be alright.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ Lao TzuIt’s a hard thing to imagine how somebody copes with grief and at the same time has to build a new life.
~ Caitriona BalfeLove isn’t just about looking forward together. It’s about keeping each other in your peripheral vision.
~ Sensei Oddsox